thinking more about the last post, the one about how we get through the day, i remembered this passage from this book i read a while ago called "Elegy for Iris," written by her John Bayley. the "Iris" of the title is Dame Iris Murdoch, the english philospher and writer, who suffered from alzheimer's disease. John Bayley was her husband (she died in 1999 from complications of the disease) and the book is both a celebration of their love and their life together as well as an almost painfully touching memoir of being a caregiver to a loved one.
John Bayley was an amazing caregiver. even at her most addled and most difficult, when Iris is so lost and so far from "herself," he is still so enamored of her; continually falling in love with her. at the same time, he is honest about the trials that he goes through: losing patience, feeling trapped, getting lost in the hopelessness that alzheimer's produces in whomever it touches. he says at one point, "Does the care-giver involuntarily mimic the Alzheimer's condition? I'm sure I do." (241) as a caregiver, you really do take on the disease mentally as the disease takes your loved one physically.
the passage that i thought of was a bit he wrote about getting through difficult moments in his days with Iris. He writes:
"Something urgent, practical, giving the illusion of sense and routine. The Reverend Sidney Smith, a benevolent clergyman of Jane Austen's time, used to urge parishioners in the grip of depression who appealed to him for help to 'take short views of human life - never further than dinner or tea.' " (52-53)
short views. minute-to-minute. much love. more patience. a lot of blind faith.
i highly recommend Bayley's book and i highly recommend Iris Murdoch's books. i also high recommend Jane Austen's books. I highly recommend any book which enables a temporary escape.
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